Hi everyone...

This is a kind of maiden post for me in this blog and as much as i don't exactly like to start on a negative note, well sort of, i just felt that i needed to share this in light of what happened this saturday. It's rather personal and maybe a bit long winded, so i hope i don't scare you guys...

This year started off pretty well enough for me on the surface, but there was one particularly nagging problem at the back of my mind. That is: my lessons at school clash with cell group on friday nights. That means, that for one whole semester, i can't go for cell at all. Actually, additional info would be, because of some administration issues in school, i even have 2 modules on friday that clash at the same time. Which means that i pay for classes i cannot attend. D'oh.

Regarding the cell issue... This is by no means a small issue to me because cell group has been a very integral part of my life, given the circumstances that resulted in me even getting involved in cell in the first place.

On top of that, i must admit that my walk with the Lord has grown cliched and tired and this actually kind of crept up on me gradually. On the surface, i knew that God was with me, i've been reading the bible, i talk to God, but somehow there was a disconnection that i knew too well existed.

I came to PSP and church with a general attitude of "nothing's going to happen... it's all routine, this happens every week. Same words all the time. What's new?" I was all numbed out. Indifferent. Empty.

But what happened this saturday shook me up good.

Throughout the first part of the service, i was saying almost like a mantra: "God, i'm here just for you and i want to just worship you." just so that i could psycho myself into it. But spiritually, i couldn't commit to what i was saying. Eventually, i simply conceded to my weaknesses and was saying over and over: "God, i'm just so tired... (and fed up)" (not physically, but spiritually)

But when we began to sing "Hungry", and Joshua made the call for us to simply kneel before God, i promptly did so. (Interestingly, at the beginning of the service, i wanted to because i wanted to just surrender to God but felt like it wasn't appropriate due to silly socially-politically correct reasons) So i was glad for the opportunity.... And then the niagara falls just happened. (bit of info: all the 3 girls in my row were also crying. i believe that what was happening at that point was in season for each of us)

To cut the long story short, everything from "Sister Elaine's" prayer of embracing God's Love, to Pastor Jenn's vision of our Warrior God, to her sermon's message, had cut deep and brought me once again to that (wonderful) point of brokenness before the Lord.

But it was only during the debrief when Pastor Jenn reiterated once again that spiritual warfare will happen and has already begun, did i really realize the reality (that was a lot of rea-s) of the spiritual realm and the kind of attack i was already under: cell group (where we edify and minister to one another and seek God, etc) that is being taken away from me for 3 months, to my walk that has become stale and routine, to other personal struggles that has interfered with my walk. Not only have there been my own issues, but there've also been some issues manifesting among some of the people around me in church.

This post isn't meant to bring anyone down or to sow fear, but it is to share with you how we need to be EXTRA careful with our walks. Our war is not an Earthly one, but is one that's in the supernatural realm, which is not an airy fairy notion. Our God is supernatural, and being his children, our lives need to include the supernatural. I share this to remind us that we need to be vigilant over our thoughts, our beliefs, our words and our actions.

I share this also because i want to edify and affirm those who gave, have given, of themselves in whatever way, to say that despite all the improvements-that-need-to-be-made, you made a difference and God ministered to people through you.

Sometimes with all the years in church and with the seemingly same structure we're used to, we run the risk of feeling jaded and falling into an immune and numb mental state that we lose the intensity of the truth of what our lives in Christ stand for.

It is therefore my desire that we continue to truly understand and embrace fully our identity in Christ (first sermon of the year), and have faith and belief in all that we are capable of because of the Holy Spirit that lives in us. Sounded cliche yeah, even i would've cringed at this paragraph before saturday's service.

But truly, like what Pastor Jenn has said: Before you can see things you've never seen before, you need to do things you've never done before.

Each of us are at different stages in our walks. So if you have not trusted and embraced the truth, trust and embrace it. If you have not moved in faith before, move in faith. If you have moved in faith, continue to do so! Be that salt and light for Him! :-)