I discovered this article I wrote in Oct 2002 on leading worship. It was interesting to see my thought processes then...
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I had been pondering a long time about this thing called “leading worship”. What exactly does it mean? I remember years ago, when I first became a Christian, worship leaders were known as “songleaders”, which most would agree is a much easier call to live up to. However somewhere down the road there was a paradigm shift. Or was it a revelation? Someone decided to change “songleader” into “worship-leader”.
I’ve been reading books, talking to people, even asking God many many times, to show me what this “worship” was. Beginning with baby steps, I discovered, to the amazement of my immature heart, that worship was not the singing or the music. It wouldn’t be so difficult if it was just that! I listened to celebrated worship leaders like Darlene Zschech, Bob Fitts and Paul Baloche speak about their experiences as worship leaders, and they almost NEVER spoke about the music! They expounded on sacrifice, relationships with God and man, surrender, humilty, servanthood, unity, but never gave significant mention to the “gifts and talents” that I’d so coveted.
So how was I to lead worship when I didn’t really know what it was? True, now I had a vague idea that it was a lifestyle, something more than song and dance, ushering people into God’s presence etc, but that was all head knowledge. The reality of the matter hadn’t set in.
It is true that God pursues us – He pursued me. My Daddy God wanted to teach me something, and He taught me through my time in Bethesda Cathedral. All my pre-conceived ideas of wonderful music and even dreams of producing chart-topping albums were dashed in the short 2-half years I was there. My struggle to discover MY worship to Him had only just begun. God had only just begun to speak to me about what it means to truly worship Him. From the time I stepped up the platform with the controversial label of “first female worship leader in BC” to the time I realised I had been doing it all wrong, God was always faithful and patient in teaching me His ways. I tried to introduce “excellence” to the musicians, not realising that they could not even worship God with their hearts, much less worship with skillful hands. I tried to inspire the team with promises of God’s mighty move during church services, but overlooked that many of them did not even experience God in their own personal lives. I moved ahead of God, trying to be everything and yet achieving nothing. It was a humbling, yet vital learning period of my life.
I could relate stories of what other “famous” worship leaders have had to go through for their ministries, but didn’t have a personal account myself to speak. It disturbed me to think that I was up there on the platform, supposedly leading others into worship, when I didn’t truly understand what it was all about.
I’ve always been fascinated by the story of Mary and her alabastar jar. In the song “Alabastar”, there’s a line that says “you don’t know the cost of my alabastar box”. What WAS the cost of my alabastar oil? Was it the costliest, the most precious? The song says it “I will not offer anything to Him that costs me nothing”. Oh what conviction! It pierces my very being! How could I have been singing empty songs, making empty music, devoid of any true worship to God, while all the time claiming to be “leading worship”? It’s true – how can you lead others in worship when you can’t even worship God yourself?
I have also discovered that many examples of worship that touched God’s heart hardly featured any singing or music. Mary poured the costly oil on Jesus’ feet, washing them with her tears and wiping them with her hair. David “worshipped God’ when his son was killed. Mary worshipped Jesus by sitting at his feet listening to what He had to say while Martha busied herself with chores. None of them were singing pretty songs nor jamming in a band and yet theirs were examples of worship which God smiled upon.
An article by Paul Woodburn entitled “Worship or What?: Worship Defined” says this:
“Worship is indefinable and in reality it is the one thing that we do not need to be taught. Like a cherry tree produces apples and rose bush roses, humanity worships. It is what we are designed to do… programmed if you will. So really… worship is life… life is worship. The question is not "What is worship?" or "How does one worship?" If you are breathing… you're worshipping. The real question is "Who (or what) are you giving your worship to?"
That is so true! As long as I’m breathing, I should be worshipping God. That’s why it’s called a “life-style” – breathing keeps me alive, so since I have life, I should be worshipping like I’m breathing. And the issue is who I worship, not how or where or when.
Often times as I prepare to lead worship for church, sometimes I get this disturbing, nagging feeling that something is not right. I get down on my knees, I cry to God to show me what He has in store for the service but sometimes I don’t hear from Him. I start to wonder what’s wrong with me. Why am I not hearing God? Why is God not giving me the “right songs” for the service?
It is then, when I’m most distressed and upset, that the Holy Spirit gently reminds me, that it is about the object and not the method of my worship that pleases God. Yes God uses songs to minister to us, but at the end of the day, it’s all about our offering to Him. It’s all about our lives saying Thank You Father, Thank You Jesus, Thank You Holy Spirit. It’s about focusing on the Giver instead of the Gift. It’s about knowing Him and allowing Him to have His will done in your life. It’s about bringing a smile to the Father’s heart. It’s about offering up an irresistible incense of worship made up of lives which are transparent, grateful, yielded and completely at peace with their Creator.
In my journey so far, I’m gradually discovering truths through God’s Word which reveal God’s heart towards me, and that helps me understand the whole “worship” thing. For now, worship, to me, is life. On stage, I use the abilities which God has given me to help better express myself to Him, and I encourage and edify and exhort my brothers and sisters to look unto God who’s the Giver of all good things. Off-stage, I’m only me – in my personal moments with Him, what He sees (in my heart) is what He gets.
And I know that’s all He requires of me.
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